Welcome to The Fostering Diaries, our weekly series exploring fostering through two very different perspectives: those who provide care and those who have experienced it.
Each week, we will introduce you to a Southend foster carer and a care leaver, sharing their stories, honest reflections and the pearls of wisdom they've gathered along the way.
Their experiences offer a fascinating insight into the world of fostering, and they might just inspire you to become a part of that world.
Meet Tyler, 20: The lessons he carries from growing up in kinship care
This week, we caught up with Tyler, an ambitious, witty and mature young man, who balances studying mechanical engineering at university with his role as an Expert by Experience at Southend City Council and his Customer Service role at Adventure Island. He kindly shared his experiences of growing up in kinship care with his grandma, and the advice he would pass on to prospective carers.
What life lesson can foster carers learn from you?
There are lots of different things to learn from young people. Being in kinship care, being with my nan, I was with my three brothers, I think we taught her how to be young again. I'm not going to say that she's really old because obviously she's not, but being young, being yourself is important, especially when it comes to relating to the young people you care for, which is why I think that message especially is important for foster carers.
Why do you think foster carers need to hear this?
I think my nan used to work as some kind of carer, and after taking us in she put a stop to that. I remember one of the conversations I had with her is that, obviously, giving up work has a financial loss, but she said it was quite possibly one of the best things she ever did, especially because it meant having us four there with her instead of us being separated or going into random placements. We were all there together as a family.
What did a foster carer do that made a positive difference to you?
I think just having someone to be a role model to guide you in the right direction to avoid trouble with the police or people, anything along those lines, and to want what's best for you, whether that be a good education, a full-time job, anything along those lines. Just someone to be a role model.
Is there anything you wish adults had understood sooner?
In terms of what I think adults should learn, I think an important lesson for anyone is that you're not always right. There will be someone who knows a little bit more than you do, whether that be a younger person or a person who's been around for a while. Going into a situation assuming that you have the right answer is an absolutely poor mentality and you should always go in looking to hear other people's thoughts and opinions because they might just have one better than yours.
What advice would you give someone who is considering fostering?
For someone considering fostering, the best advice I can give is to just do it, you know? You learn from the things you do. If you do it and it doesn't work out, it is what it is. But eight, nine times out of ten, you've got a little friend for the rest of your life really. I think it's so worth it, and it means so much to the child that's going into the care system to have somebody whom they know they can trust and rely on.
Every fostering story is different, but each one has something to teach us. Join us next week for Part 2 of The Fostering Diaries, when another Southend foster carer and care leaver share their experiences and the life lessons that have stayed with them.
Could fostering be the next chapter in your story?
Every foster care journey starts with a conversation. By opening your home and your heart (and sharing your wisdom), you could help a child or young person feel safe, supported and able to thrive, while learning a few life lessons along the way.
Visit Southend Fostering to discover more and take the first step.